…because it is Fresh Veggies Day!

http://sanfrancisco.about.com/library/sfmaps/blfarmersmarketsmap.htm

If you are lucky enough to live near a dunkin donuts or krispy kreme, stop by today for your free doughnut!!  Free!

http://www.marketingshift.com/2009/6/krispy-kreme-dunkin-donuts-free.cfm

Our intrepid reporter Christina on location

To celebrate this glorious day, I challenge everyone to finally check out one of those ubiquitous “chinese food and donut” establishments.  Do they really sell both chinese food and donuts?  Or is it a front for the chinese mafia?  Do the donuts taste like chinese food?  Report! » Read the rest of this entry «

Flowers NOT to water:

How does one “pack a rat”?

Why on top of a cat of course!  A cat on top of a dog.

Dog Cat Rat

Today I pay homage to one of my all time favorite blogs — http://yourlovehurtsme.blogspot.com/

Yeah, its great that you and your mate are so in love and all, and like, happy.  But 364 days of the year I find you disgusting.  Your hand holding, lip smacking, name cooing is nauseating.  If you have ever called someone “bunny muffin” you deserve to be shot.

This day only, I give you a free pass to complete as many public displays of affection as possible.  Eat ice cream together — the same ice cream cone.  Sit on the same side of a table at a restaurant and feed each other little bits of food you cut into heart shapes bites.  Wear each others clothes, and be sure to tell everyone you meet about it.  And of course, make out all over public transit, your friend’s kitchen, and anywhere you lips have maximum damage potential.

BWAHahahaha!  Ha!  hahaha!

Have you tried out your evil laugh lately?  Go on — give it a try.  No, try harder.  Now louder…  ok ok its a little rusty but you are getting there.

Today is the day to let out your inner mad scientist!  Science doesn’t just happen in fancy “laboratories”.  Pshh.  You can cause plenty of mayham in your very own makeshift lab.  Scientist aren’t all warm fuzzy cancer researchers.  Many of us aspire to the much harder job of reanimating dead people, testing the limits of matter and time continuity on loved ones, and reigning terror on people who made us feel sexually inadequate.  Where would the world be without these memorable mad scientists?

» Read the rest of this entry «

Celebrate pecans in their most warm and gooey incarnation:

Ingredients

Instructions

1. 1. For Pie Crust: Mix flour, sugar, and salt in food processor fitted with steel blade. Scatter butter and shortening over dry ingredients and pulse until mixture resembles coarse cornmeal, 10 to 15 seconds. Turn mixture into medium bowl.
2. 2. Sprinkle egg white mixture over flour mixture and, with blade of rubber spatula, use folding motion to mix. Press down on dough with broad side of spatula until dough sticks together. Shape dough into ball with hands, then flatten into 4-inch disk. Dust dough lightly with flour, wrap tightly in plastic wrap, and place in refrigerator for at least 1 hour or up to 2 days.
3. 3. Roll dough on lightly floured surface into 13-inch circle and transfer to 9-inch pie pan, preferably glass. Press dough into corners and sides of pan, being careful not to stretch dough. Trim edges of dough to make 1/2-inch overhang. Tuck overhanging dough under so that folded edge is flush with rim of pan. Flute edge, (see illustration 1).
4. 4. Chill shell until firm, about 1 hour. Prick sides and bottom with fork and line entire shell with heavy-duty aluminum foil, pressing foil firmly against shell and extending it over fluted rim (illustration 2). Prick foil with fork (illustration 3) and return shell to refrigerator while oven is heating.
5. 5. Adjust oven rack to center position and heat oven to 400 degrees. Bake, pressing once or twice with mitt-protected hands, if necessary, to flatten any puffing, until crust is firmly set, about 15 minutes. Remove foil and continue to bake until bottom begins to color, about 10 minutes longer. Remove from oven, brush sides and bottom with egg yolk, and return to oven until yolk glazes over, about 1 minute longer. Remove from oven, and set aside while preparing the filling.
6. 6. Lower oven temperature to 275 degrees. Place pie shell in oven if not still warm.
7. 7. For Pie: Melt butter in medium heatproof bowl set in skillet of water maintained at just below simmer. Remove bowl from skillet; mix in sugar and salt with wooden spoon until butter is absorbed. Beat in eggs, then corn syrup and vanilla. Return bowl to hot water; stir until mixture is shiny and warm to the touch, about 130 degrees. Remove from heat; stir in pecans.
8. 8. Pour mixture into warm shell; bake until center feels set yet soft, like gelatin, when gently pressed, 50 to 60 minutes. Transfer pie to rack; let cool completely, at least 4 hours. Serve pie at room temperature or warm, with lightly sweetened whipped cream or vanilla ice cream.

(recipe from the good folks at Cooks Illustrated)

Call your brothers and sisters! Or, work out your creepy childhood issues by making an alter to “the only people who remember you as a child” (thanks for the link Christina):

http://www.siblingsday.org/bodyframe.htm

Also, now that I have returned from the dead, I’d like to share some of my 87 year old grandmother’s collection of epitaphs with y’all. No joke, these were real!

I was Minnesota born
And Minnesota bred
Now Here I lay, Minnesota Dead.

Grim Death took Me
Without any warning
Was well at night
And dead in the morning.

Here’s lies an atheist.
All dressed up
And no place to go.

Have gone away
Owing more
Than I could Pay.

Heavenly location:
Wherever I go,
There I am.

(courtesy of Grandmarge’s special collection)

Prince lookatmyfakemustache Kalanianaole

When the Kalakaua Dynasty assumed the throne of Hawaii in 1884, Jonah Kuhio was declared a prince. He was next in line to become king when the Hawaiian monarchy was overthrown in 1893.

Full name: David Kawananakea Jonah Kuhio Kalanianaole Piiloi (nice!)

The Hawaii tourist site also lists that he was “charming and athletic” and that “one of his main goals was to save the rapidly declining Hawaiian race from extinction”.  With his penis.

Wear a lai today if you have one,  and enjoy this song about the prince by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole.

Kuhio bay